I remember my lungs expanding and contracting to the rhythm of the airplane screeching to a halt on the runway. I count to three; inhale, count to three, exhale. I do this several times to center myself, to grasp the reality that is in front of me. One, two, three; inhale. I reach for the thoughts of wonder and longing as I start searching my heart for an emotion I recognize. One, two, three; exhale.
Hills that reach up into the clouds, almost as if they are searching for a kiss on the forehead from their creator, power lines strung in the sky as if they were placed in a symphony of chaotic pattern, streets pathed with stories from every single foot that lay upon them, all the while never knowing that each individually mirror the purity and stillness that I have been searching for.
One, two, three; inhale.
Ulaanbaatar, the breathtaking arena of color and sound, a city that seems harsh but reflects an abundance of stillness and an essence of hope. Walls of blues and greens, gates of symbols and protection line the alleys. Red and brown dirt fill the roads, black ink appears along the guard rails, and still my feet walk towards the familiarity of the street light releasing hues of yellow onto the road below. My eyes trace the outline of the mountain in the distance lining up every bump and hill with where it kisses the sky, never knowing that my life was about to change.
One, two, three; exhale.
The orange tin roof, so simple but loud all at once appeared in my view, the way it wasn’t afraid to stand alone in it’s loudness was captivating. The way it interrupted the flow on the hill without knowing it shouldn’t still be standing tall while being so different, was inspiring. In a world full of blues she wasn’t afraid of her change of pattern or her obnoxious attention seeking demeanor, she wasn’t aware of all the beauty her difference presented to her viewers; but the most captivating thing of all will surprise you, it was the way that orange tin roof never knew it was more captivating than the others, that the orange tin roof screamed but all the while was still quiet, and that the orange tin roof could influence nations with it’s uniqueness.
I want to be like the orange tin roof, never afraid to be different, never afraid to be loud and never seeking the approval of others. I want to be like the orange tin roof for the Kingdom of God. Never afraid to interrupt the pattern of non-believers. Captivating others with the love of God coming from every fiber of my being. I want to influence nations with God’s uniqueness. I want to be loud and unapologetic when it comes to spreading the good news of my King.
I inhale once more, but this time different. I don’t count, instead I stare at the orange roof while my skin is overcome with goosebumps. “My daughter, here is my Kingdom, I give you eyes to see my people the way I do, now go,“ said Abba. I felt a presence on my shoulder and with tears in my eyes, I nodded and went on my way to my team, hungry and ready for these next eleven months.
Mongolia, my sweets, thank you. Thank you for the three days of intentionality, the three days of beauty and reflection, I welcome these next weeks. I am ready to learn, serve and go above for my Lord’s Kingdom.
One, two, three; exhale.
____________________
Tomorrow my team will head to the public shower to finally wash ourselves of the three days of travel. My heart returns to the thought of home, and I notice the little things; my skin is still kissed from the Illinois sun, my hair still holds the nostalgic scent of home, my sweater is still wrapped in my mother’s perfume from when she hugged me goodbye. Am I ready to rinse that all away? My heart is still tender to the thought.
I am sitting on a step in the capital, typing fluently on my keyboard, while rain falls onto my legs. I prayed for rain and God delivered without fault. I welcome the rain, as it is my constant reminder that my numbness is behind me and that I am able to feel. Watching the droplets dance on my skin I am reminded that my numbness is exalted. Missing home is my other reminder, my reminder that I have the strength to carry the weight of my emotions without turning it to numbness in my core. God, thank you for the rain. It is slowly washing away the tenderness in my heart.
I am ready.
Xo,
Kenz
What a powerful beginning. I am spellbound by this and I feel as if I too stood near this orange roof .
Keep going and writing.
In his service
Jennifer
Your words are so beautiful. God has given you such a gift, and I love seeing your heart in your writing. Jesus is holding you so tight and I pray you feel that sweet friend.
Beautiful. I see it all through your words. ??
No ??. That was an emoji haha
Home girl. Your writing is beautiful.
Can’t wait to see the redemption the next weeks and months hold for you!
What a beautiful picture of your life in something as simple as an orange tin roof. The more we open our eyes and heart, the more pictures God will reveal to us. Thanks for sharing these pictures with us.
The way you describe your surroundings is a GIFT from God…you allow people to see it through a positive outlook. I want you to always be willing to share with your team. You have a lot to SAY and it is DEEP.
I believe YOUR time on the field is going to be an unbelievable experience because you are SOLD out!
Beautifully written!!! God Bless your road ahead and thanks for sharing your journey!
Orange tin roof, indeed! May you and your whole team continue to shine in the colors God has created you, unaware of your own beauty, but recognized by all who see you.
Kenz,
You are incredible. I love hearing your thoughts and the way the lord speaks to you. You have such a gift for writing.
So so so proud of you! I challenge you to remind yourself on a regular basis of the declarations you have made in this and the things the Lord spoke to you.
Kenzie you have been blessed with such an incredible talent. I am just amazed and so proud of you. Prayers!!!!!!!!