I lose everything

I’m notorious for losing things. I get really mad at myself whenever I do because honestly it’s something I do way too often. I’ve gotten really good at misplacing my favorite things, breaking my most precious belongings or giving away things I love. God’s been challenging me to not hold sentimental value to my possessions because in the past I guess you could call me a hoarder? I don’t know, ask my mom. I put sentimental value to trash if it has a slightest memory attached to it. I guess you could say I have an attachment issue too? 

Honestly this blog is scattered because I’m freakin devastated. In Ethiopia I lost a ring that meant the absolute world to me. It took me literal days to be okay, it might sound quirky or just plain stupid but that’s me. I love my things, especially if they remind me of people I love a whole lot. 

Well we’re packing up to leave Africa and what do I realize I lost? My United States Marine Hat I got at my brothers graduation when I was 17. One of my post precious possessions; gone. I cried a lot today over it, I asked everyone I could find if they had seen it. Oh boy how distraught I still am, it’s no where. As I was cursing under my breath and throwing things at walls God reminded me something really rad. He’s always teaching me things when I don’t care to know in that exact moment. 

He reminded me that every time I’m lost He finds me. That He left the 99 to chase after me, to save me. And let me tell you, I also get lost..a lot. I’m really sad because I felt like a piece of me was lost when I lost my brother’s hat, but then I remembered that I’m not lost, my joy and happiness don’t belong to some possession that I love a whole lot. 

I do my best processing when I write, so I guess that’s what this is, no fancy words just my heart. I get really angry at myself when I lose things I love, like people or things. It happens a lot and I know sometimes it isn’t my fault but I’m still really hard on myself because it’s frustrating when my actions result in my own pain. 

I know I know it’s a hat, but God used this as a way to remind me how seen I am and how He will always chase after me and I guess that’s the best outcome for me, even better than finding it I suppose. 

I felt called to share my heart with you all and I hope these words can speak life into someone that is going through loss or anger. 

xo

Kenz