Dedicated Disappearance? I’m back

Wow, I didn’t realize how long it’s been since I penned my thoughts to paper, or in this case typed my thoughts to my notepad. Here are some realizations that are so apparent in this moment; my hammock has become my bed, the Kenyan stars paint across my head where a roof should be, my pillow is soft, my sleeping bag is warm and I left my socks in my tent. 

It’s month six out of eleven, we are halfway, maybe a little under or honestly even over, days are blurring together so I have completely lost track of such a simple concept as what a day or week resembles. I’ve lost track of schedules, my phone 90% of the time, or why I dropped 80% of the items I packed in August on my bedroom floor, and please don’t even ask me what I ate for breakfast yesterday. 

Chaos. 

My heart races and then plummets to the souls of my feet when I think about all the time that has passed by as I desperately try to hold on to savor these precious moments remaining of my race. What’s new you may ask? I’ve embarked on reading the bible cover to cover, I stretch now (well, working on it), I’ve been living outside for basically two months, my shower shut off on me mid shampooing the other day and I’ve had to say goodbye and surrender some pretty important people in my life. I’ve made apologies to old friends, grew closer with my new team, and accidentally deleted 15 movies I downloaded. You know, the important stuff. 

Oh yeah, Christmas came and went along with New Years, we finished All Squad Month strong with an exciting game of capture the flag and tears of leaving each other after 30+ days living together, W squad is rad. 

I still say rad in almost every sentence, I added the word amen and tender to my choice of words in an attempt to add variety but No Mom, I haven’t added anymore tattoos to my body, we’re taking a break. I went to the hospital last week and after needles and tests I found out it was a simple head cold after convincing myself it was Malaria, yes friends I still have a touch of hypochondria coursing through my veins. 

An honest heart update: I miss home, a ton but God reminds me home is with Him and He gives me the stars to guide me back to Him. I have fallen more in love with children if that was even possible, but God promises me His timing is better than my own. I’m scared that people I love will be deployed in the midst of all the news playing on our phones, and still God remains good and abundantly glorified through it. Some days are easier than others, some days my heart is more healed than others, and most days I remember to brush my hair. 

I guess this blog post is chaotic, kind of like how my life has been. I was reminded tonight that this life isn’t mine,  it’s God’s and for a minute I got lost in my own chaos and forgot that He deserves all the glory and not me. I missed writing to you guys, but sometimes life gets so busy I throw my hands up inside of down at my keyboard: we’re working on it. 

We are growing and showing, we are doing the dang thing and all the while life is still going on around me and I choose once again, to jump back in; head first. What a “Kenz” check in, realizing that as I reread what appears in front of me. God is just really rad, teaching me I don’t have to be perfect to be enough, teaching me that His promises will be fulfilled, showing me the good in the ugly seasons- and wow my thoughts got interrupted because the 10 dogs that live on this compound are howling at dirt, maybe that’s God telling me to get some sleep tonight, it is 01:38, why I write this late I’ll never comprehend. 

Well sweet dreams America, it’s time to blast my rad playlist and get ready for another day in Papa’s Kingdom. Love you all so much, and I’ll write again soon, promise. 

Xo, 

Kenz