Written in a coffee shop in the morning hours of a beautiful Thursday, listening to ”I like the way you hung the moon” by Drew Holcomb and The Neighbors.
Love. I bet you can tell by now all of my mixed feelings about the four letter word all wrapped and folded together in a chaotic mess of contradicting themes. But truth be told, I’m so infatuated with it. I’m toiled with the reality of it, with the fantasy of it; all of it. The entire concept mesmerizes me, and finally it has happened, I’m in the midst of it for the very first time.
Sometimes I sit down at my laptop and write entry after entry to people I don’t even know, people that I already love so divinely and so intentionally. I have folders on my phone: a folder for my future husband, where I lose myself writing letters to him about my day, my feelings and just all the quirky things. I have a folder for each of my best-friends where I do the same, a folder for my parents to keep them updated on everything that I get to do on the race, you know the important people. The probability of them ever seeing these folders are slim, but that’s not the point of writing them. The point is giving myself a place where I can just be in love with people and string words together in poetic symphony’s so I can merely scratch the surface of “enoughness” that they deserve.
That we all deserve.
Okay, so the point of this? I’m getting there sweets, and here it is. This blog is my place, my free thinking zone, my “I’m so in love with you platform and I want the world to know it” kind of place. Every blog I have ever posted is apart of the bigger sequence of love letters that I’ve written tucked away and saved for my some day, my one day. So delicately laced with words of infatuation and admiration, a list of vows for the love of my life; my Jesus.
I’m so in love with Him I sometimes find it hard to put words together that capture at least a fifth of how I feel, the greatest love story unfolds before my eyes daily and it’s hard for me to soak it all in because I can feel it in every walk I take or every person I see on the Romanian streets. It’s the kind of love that you can’t wait to fall asleep to dream about, the love that you can’t stop telling all your friends about, the love that keeps your gaze when you’re in a sea of people, the good kind of love that only happens once in this lifetime but I get to experience it everyday for the rest of my life.
Now that’s the kind of love I’ve been searching for, the kind of love I’ve been craving and I finally started looking in the right places, I started looking in the places it exists not where I wanted it to exist. It’s not in people, my life, or all the really amazing and wonderful things I have been blessed with, but in the King of Kings, the great I Am.
I’m learning a lot of things about this relationship with God, how it can’t be one sided and I need to pull my weight, that I am allowed to make mistakes and He still won’t change His mind about me. How it’s not an earthly love, and He means what He says, every time. That I don’t need to do anything to gain His love, but it’s up to me to allow Him to build up the intimacy through me and things I have to walk through on this earth before I can meet Him face to face.
I’m so in love, the “I brag about you everyday,” can’t fall asleep, goosebumps when I think about you, kind of love. But the best part? How in love I may be, He loves me ten times more and that’s the part that seems almost impossible to wrap my head around.
I’m so in love, the “I brag about you everyday,” can’t fall asleep, goosebumps when I think about you, kind of love. But the best part? How in love I may be, He loves me ten times more and that’s the part that seems almost impossible to wrap my head around.
So, my encouragement, my why; allow yourself to fall in love every single day, it’s worth it.
